New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
