I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Randomize
