i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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