Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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