Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
