Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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