see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
