wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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