my vag is so smooth its legendary
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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