Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
