i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
