Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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