my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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