How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
