just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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