Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
