Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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