I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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