I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
