Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
