I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
