You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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