They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
