You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
