great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
