she was so not down for the gang bang
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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