is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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