So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
