We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
