so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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