dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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