Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
