I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
