I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
