I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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