Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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