suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
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He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
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Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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