Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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