I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
