i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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