if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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