Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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