You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
