i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
