Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
