Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
