So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
