I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
