i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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