Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
