i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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