you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
