people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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