Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
