i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize