He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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