If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
