you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We're using joints as your birthday candles
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
