I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
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I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
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Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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