Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
