I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
