I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
