plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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