well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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