Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
