I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
