Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
