I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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