I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
