She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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