Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize
