I wish I only lived at night.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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