It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
