My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
