just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
