it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
