I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
