My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
