I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
