Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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