two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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