you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
